Alcohol: Helpful or Harmful?

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An Anonymous Reflection on Recovery

We asked a recovering alcoholic—whose doctor told him to quit drinking or die—to tell his story. Because his coworkers don’t know his history, he chose to remain anonymous.

Now that I’m sober, I don’t wake up in misery, and I remember my dreams. Last night I dreamed about my daughter, the one I’m afraid my drinking hurt the most. Her big brown eyes looked into my own as she said, “Really, Dad, it’s OK. I’m all right. I’m doing fine.”

My tears began to well up out of nowhere, and the choking feeling made it hard for me to say anything. I just want her to know how much I love her. That’s all.

It was hard, at first, facing reality without my old friend, alcohol, the one who betrayed me in the end. But I’m not alone now, and it gets easier every day. Flashbacks happen, but what do you expect after many years of heavy drinking?

Craving, loss of control, physical dependence, and increasing consumption characterize alcoholism. I didn’t know that during my drinking. I just lived it. Only later did I learn that alcoholism is an equal opportunity disease, affecting even me.

A jolting talk with a heart doctor convinced me I’d better do something about my drinking. My blood pressure was up to 185 over something. When I told him about my alcohol consumption, he said, “If you don’t cut back on your drinking, it will be very difficult to treat your high blood pressure.” Then came the crucial question. “Will you accept help?”

No doctor had ever asked me that. Of course I couldn’t cut down on my drinking; no alcoholic can. I’ll never be immune to alcohol. But if I wanted to give it up and accept help, I could stop drinking. And I did.

My blood pressure is 120/80 now. And my heart? I won’t say it never aches, but it’s no longer broken. Giving up the alcohol was just the beginning. If my heart bursts today, it’s with gratitude for the new life I have now.